Alfie, a student, is having problems with the antisocial flatmates in his rented accommodation.

Hi. My name's Alfie and I'm a second year student at Napier University. Last September, I moved into a shared flat with a bunch of mates – at least, I thought they were mates, but now I'm not so sure. There's supposed to be five of us living in this flat, but now, with Joe's girlfriend practically living with him and Matt's mates from Manchester kipping in the sitting room since Christmas, there's eight, all sharing one very small bathroom and kitchen. Wouldn't be so bad if anyone else ever did any cleaning – I'm no Kim and Aggie, but even I draw the line at pans with six weeks' mould in them and a bathroom that looks like a science experiment. I do what can but I really don't see why I should spend my spare time clearing up after that lot.

Plus none of these 'extra flatmates' are giving us any money towards the rent or gas or electricity and Matt's mates keep eating all my food and not replacing it. I've started hiding stuff in my room – how crap is that?

Then there's the noise. Not wishing to sound like a martyr, but I work five nights a week in a bar and Saturdays in a bingo hall, and in between I kind of try to get some studying done – not to mention sleeping. But it's pretty hard when there's a constant racket going on in the flat. If it's not Matt and that lot partying in the living room, it's Dave's bloody dance music blasting out at all hours – or the neighbours banging on the walls trying to shut him up.

To be honest, I'm at the end of my tether, I really am. I even phoned the letting agency to see if I could move out, but the woman said only if I could find someone else to take my place and frankly, no-one's that stupid. I didn't want to lay it on too thick about how awful it is in the flat, in case she decides to kick us all out. Besides, finding a new place mid term will be a nightmare – I wouldn't know where to start. Any suggestions on how I can get myself out of this mess, without actually committing murder?

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